Email

I was checking my email and it had one from an unknown woman with subject adoption story. Not knowing if people even read my blog, she wrote me a simple email of how she thanks me for posting such private things. How she adopted a little boy almost 5 years ago. I appreciated that email so much. 

Finding Jeanne and Chris... I wrote this July 26, 2010

So this time two years ago, im in Christys office looking at profiles and I still havent picked a family yet. Some i have put aside and some wasnt what i was lookin for. SO I go in again, same week as this, and she tells me, a profile came in from Portland. Ok, its not in Texas, but lets give it a look. So im looking at the profile, simple and to the point. It tells both sides of Jeanne and Chris, how they met, fell in love, and started their adoption journey. One key thing stood out about their profile........ Jeanne hersself was adopted and they showed love to their future birthmom, their hero. i definately wanted to keep this one aside. I wanted to make sure with out a doubt, i was sure and no other profiles stood out. This had been a long journey of pain, and disappointment. But i couldnt go back now. I was considerd high risk and had to go to Galveston to stay in a high risk ward...basically they took a old hotel and turned them into like lil dorms for mothers who was high risk. We had a bed, table n chairs, phone, bathroom, closet and CABLE TV!!!! Mothers met in the lobby to go to the main hospital to go get breakfast. Sometimes i wouldnt go, cause i finally was getting my sleep. But back to the best part. I thought about Jeanne and Chris' profile alot, and called Christy to tell her they were the one. She said she would cll me backin an hour. When she called me she said that they screamed with happines when they got that call. i also asked Christy would it be ok if they were their when I delievered. She advised me that, they really dont ask the parents, just incase i changed my mind, that would be not good for them. But I assured her i wasnt going to change my mind. Once again, she said she would call me back. They were excited that i would want them their. I went to Galveston alone, my kids stayed behind. I chose to go through this journey alone. Being in galveston wasnt bad. i was by the beach and by my favorite seafood place...Benos!!! I got to Galveston on a Thursday, had my first Dr app that Friday and i was already 1cm. The best advice the Dr told me to do was to walk. And I did. At night, i would walk up and down the parking lot. Back n Forth for a good 1 to 2 hrs. My family wasnt much of anything. I talked to Christy and she said I would meet Jeanne and Chris Saturday. I was nervous!!!! and excited too. I had bought a card that said congrats its a boy, with an ultrasound picture of him. No name yet, but I as thinking of a name though. Saturday morning came and I was getting excited. Christy had called me and said that they were leaving soon. I couldnt wait to meet them. I got ready and just waited for the call. When that call came, i was ready. Jeanne and Chris was already at Benos waiting for me. My hands already sweat, but they was sweaty more than usual. Christy told me that she would be stayin too long cause she had to return to the office. So we pulled up to Benos and we went inside. We walked in and to my left side Jeanne stood up and gave me a big hug, the Chris...Yay!!!! i finally meet these two. So we sat a a table and did a mini hello how are you. Then we looked to see what to order. We ordered food and I told them what was the best thing to get. We chose another table to sit at and the talkin began. We talked about tattoos to their travels, to how they met, and about me. We ate and talked more. Christy said she would have to leave, we hugged and she said goodluck and she was off. We stayed at benos and talked like we been knowing each other. Then we went to the beach. We all walked on the beach talking. Then I gave them the card...Like i said, it said congrats, and a pic of their future son. Jeanne opened the card and a tear came. She loved it. I had a name in their that I been considering.....Kendall Chris went to find him a cap at a gift store, while me and Jeanne walked the beach talking and tellin her my story. We actually walked a good way. I told them I was already 1cm...and I was told to walk walk walk....ANDD I DID to be continued Us girls went to get our toes done and jeanne told me about 'The worst date ever' story and how the name of Zyler was chosen. Then after our feet looked fab, we went to Walmart to get a couple of things. Then back to my lil room...lol we said our goodbyes til tomorrow and took a couple of pics. That Sunday was Aug 3 2008. We met up again and at some mexican food i think..lol but after that we wnt to Ben and Jerrys (yummy) and you guess it, we walked some more. A lonnnnnnng time too. Chris went and got the car for us so we would have to walk all the way back. Once again back to my lil room, but they came up. Chris is into martial arts and said that massagin the ankles stimulates contractions..i was like hey i cant reackh my ankles anyway..lol So after that they went back to their hotel. I told them i would keep them updated if anything that happend. So im in my room and i say about 2 or 3 hrs after they left, i had a lot of pressure and my back was killing me. Then i noticed the pain would come and go and the pressure was getting unbearable...CONTRACTIONS!!! I was like OMG hes coming!! I went to the lobby hwere they have a all night nurse and told her its time for me. I packed my bag, called Chris and Jeanne and told them hes coming. I called my sister, mom and my other sister and told them that im in labor. I arrived at John Sealy and walked into the building, them contractions was getting stronger.. I had to hold the wall a couple of times. I arrived on the 3rd floor and checked in. i told the receptionist that I had an adoption plan and the parents are coming. I gave her their name and told her to let them in. They called my name and put me in a room to monitor my contractions. Now, I have two other kids and I had both natural and no drigs. but these contractions was killing me..Steven was 4 or 5 so i had forgot all about the giving birth part...lol So Jeanne came in the room and i was relieved. She was right their holding my hand. Then they moved my to the room i would be giving birth in. Now i was in pain, the nurse asked if i wanted the big needle in my back. Now i never had that, but the pain was hurting. I said yes..Jeanne had to step out the room for a min. NOW THE NURSES AT JOHN SEALY MATERNITY WARD ARE SOME LAZY INCONSIDERATE HEFFAS. Ok now had the urge to push and could hold for no Dr. the guy witht he long needle came, and i was about to scoot up to lean back, but what i did was lean over and pushed MY BAG BROKE!!!! and i started pushing. SO much for the needle right? They was calling for the Dr. to hurry because he was coming. That nurse that I couldnt stand went and got jeanne and Chris sayin your missin it. I WANTED TO SLAP HER. But they made it in their. I say 3 or 4 pushes and Zyler Kendall James came in this world at 11:23pm. What a relief!!!! to be continued

New Beginnings

Well I ha e been so behind that its sad but I have some good news. In June I will be flying to Portland to see my extended family and I'm so excited. I get to meet Jakey Trey and enjoy a nice vacay away from all the drama that has happened. I'm counting the days until June 5-11

Today is Gotcha Day for Jea and Chris...meaning that They are now a family of 4...Jakey Trey is now theres...its such a great day for them...

ZYLER TURNS 4

WELL I feel bad i havent been keeping up for you bloggers out there, but Zyler has a brother now!!! His name is Jakey Trey and hes 5 months now..Hes the most cutest lil boy ever! And Zyler is really enjoying being a big brother. But Zyler is now 4...CAN YOU BELIEVE IT??? I cant... Its been four years since giving birth to him, not trying to get attatched. I let Jea and Chris spend the most time with him. I knew i wasnt going to be able to bring him home with me and it hurted. I cried my eyes out when i got home. My mother wasnt a great support. My other two kids didnt know why mama was crying or where was the baby that was in my tummy. But Jea made it easy to talk to, to call, to text, to email. And for the people i met along the way..I thank them for being in my journey Keri Laura Desha Cindy...my birthmom bud happy birthday zyler

2012

Well hello,

I havent been on here lately but so much is going on i dont know where to begin. But i will share this news with you guys. Zyler is now a big brother to a healthy lil boy name Jacob. They went to Kentucky to go and bring him home. They had some red tape to get through since adoption laws are different there. But everything has cleared and now they are parents to two boys. I couldnt be happier for them they are so great and deserve this.

Ending of 2011

well this year has been trials for me, but i couldnt be happier for My Jea and Chris...they are in the process of adding another Modderman. Thats exciting!!!! and Zyler couldnt be happier..Hes such a happy child, love his cousins and haves too much fun.. I couldnt of made a better choice for him. My butterfly they gave me when i gave birth to him, came up missing and HURTED ME DEEPLY..still dont know who, or where it went to. I got a package today.... :-)

Happy Birthday Zyler!!!!

well im very late...yes i am Zyler turned 3 on Aug 3. And i got a chance to speak to him. He's soooo cute when he says my name. My other son, his brother will be 7 tomorrow. I have to keep this short, cause of my hand. im working with only one hand and its so hard typing. But here are some pics of the family...enjoy

Easter Basket....

Well it seems like each time i look at him, hes getting bigger and starting to look like the other person should i say. I have found that other person and its sad to say, he looks like him. And i choose to block all that is him, because of the lies, lies, and more lies he and his fam has told. So i will continue to keep Zyler where he needs to be. Maybe when hes older enough to understand he will know. But Zyler is 2 now and just such a Lil man. Jea sunt me a video and he said my name. He sounded sooooooo cute. Sometimes i watch it over and over just to hear him say my name. Even though we don't talk as much as we use to do, i like our relationship. It keeps me sane, not to be as i was in the beginning, but I'm thankful for the relationship we do have. Chris went to Kentucky to see his dad, hes fighting cancer. From what i hear, hes doing good!!! Sending prayers to Kentucky!!!!!

Long Over Due

I know i havent blogged since his birthday last year but here i go. I have gotten so many pictures and phone calls and videos of him, hes amazing!!! And some horrible news also. I found Zylers birthfather, and to tell you it makes me sick to my stomach. Almost like hes living a double life or something. All the lies he told. A part of me wants to send him a message but the other part wants to say you will never know how wonderful this little boy turned out to be. But Zyler is two now and talkin. I got a video with him saying my name and it was so cute. I have stable internet so i will be getiing back to my blogging. I was showing a friend of mine all the pictures from the beginning to now, and she even shedded a tear. But Love telling my story, OUR STORY as Jea would say. I love and miss them dearly.....portland im coming soon!!!

August 3 2010

I know im late for this but i had so much on my mind that i couldnt even think about what special day it was. Zyler has turned 2 and it was momentus. I spoke to Jea and i heard him talk in the background. he is getting soo big that i cant believe that hes 2. Steven turned 6 today and i couldnt even be with him today. I had shed my tears and cried so much that it hurts. Im goin through so much right now and not enough support that it makes me wanna just give up all together. But i know that i cant because i have kid depending on me. But what happens when i cant depend on myself. Who can i turn to? Zyler is one happy little boy and he maybe getting a sister or brother real soon. i hope it goes well for them cause im so proud of them..and they are of me

Approaching 2

Iknow it has been a long time since writting in here, but Zyler is appraoching 2 soon. I has been two years since seeing him. And its been a rough but great road. i have done very well for myself. I sometimes wonder what would life be like if i woulda kept him. But i see the smiles on his parents faces. All the people who came in contact with him too. hes a special little boy. To everyone! He has gotton so big since i seen him last year. Im just speechless everytime i see him. He's even talkin now. Jea told me the good news of gettin him a brother or sister. Im so excited for them, time flies so much and then you wonder, where did the time go? Until his birthday...

August 3

Zyler Meets His Shea

Today was a joyous day. I got to meet Zyler again after one year of giving birth to him. I got to see his mom and his dad also. Me and my sister Kisha, accompanied by Arielle and Shanquetta met them at Bush Airport. It was hard tryin to find them, but me and Jea stayied on the phone while I tried to find them. As to my suprise they were one floor above me. I went upstairs and while on the phone seen Jea pushing Zyler and Chris holding the car seat that the airport gave back to them instead of checking it in. I ran to them and Gave themn the biggest hug. Zyler was asleep. We met up with Kisha, Ari and Brownie. And the picture taking began. I was playing with Zylers feet and he woke up. His first take to me want that good. (I didnt take offense) He was sleepy and only wanted his mama. When we got into the car, he stared at me the whole way ti I-Hop. I mean just gazed at me, and I couldnt explain that feeling. When we got to I-Hop, thats when Zyler came out. He was so playful and babbled and played with me. I couldnt believe, this was the boy I gave birth to last year. He has grown sooooo much. Maybe he stared at me because we look alike, or maybe because he knew I looked familar through pictures. He played in his pancakes and strawberries. And took some handfuls of mine..lol More picture taking began. He gave smile after smile and even went to Brownie and Ari. He even played with Amir, doing the monster voice. Just to look at him was good enough for me. He even gave me kisses. I was trying so hard to hold back my tears, cause as my fellow birthmom Desha said, I should LIVE for this day. Save my tears for later. I enjoyed today sooo much. We took family pictures outside of the I-Hop, and Chris gave me a copy of his growth chart...The top of the NORM...lol He's a growning boy I must say. Then It was time to head back to the Airport. I didnt want to cry, but I did.I wanted all of them to saty longer, I wanted to saok more Zyler in. But as My Jea said, this is one of many visits to come. Portland here I come...I love sooo much that I got a chance just to see them, To hug them< to hold Zyler...This day has no words to explain how I felt or feeling right now...til later

Happy Birthday Zyler Kendall James!

Today is the day! My Zyler's birthday. Its a bittersweet time, but he had a blast! His grandparents came in from Kentucky and they seemed to enjoy him a lot. I wonder what will it be like to meet him at the end of this month? How will he take to me? I'm so nervous and anxious to see him. I have made it a year! And I'm proud of myself. I have been feeling sad but its to be done. The pain and heartache is the price I paid for others happiness. And I would do it a thousand time. Happy Birthday to you! I was lonely today, I had to spend it alone and it seems on your b day I will be alone too. Your in my heart always.

Its your day.......son
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A year ago....

One year ago today, I was waiting to meet the couple i picked for my son. I met them at my favorite restaurant and we began our lifelong bond. We swapped pictures and Chris
told stories. Jea told me of her nanny experience and about a special lil boy she keeps name Will. Christy had to leave but we went to the beach and walked and talked some more. Chris went to go see if he could find a cap, while me and My Jea talked. Walking on the beach and being there was a great time. Before we left I gave them a card with the ultrasound of their soon to be son, and by the look on Jea's face, she loved it. We spent that day at the beach and getting our toes done. Jea told me about where the name Zyler (Zieler) came from..(g. granma) and her WORST DATE EVER!!! And believe me it was. All during that time, Zyler was moving around. Then we made our way to Wal Mart..(my fav place) This is where Chris discovered my passion for the color Blue...LOL Then we made our way back to my dormitory. I had to stay at a high risk facility. But the whole day was wonderful and I wouldn't change it for the world...

August is Busy!

Well I have good news and sad news! I guess the sad news first. I won't be there for Zyler's 1st birthday. The day I gave birth to this Lil man, BUT I spoke to My Jea and she said they have a 9 hour layover in Houston on Aug 31st! Sooo, I get to see my 3 favorite people! August is a busy month! Zyler turns 1 on the 3rd and his older brother Steven turns 5 on the 29th! Then our meeting on the 31st. I'm so excited! This is the first time seeing them since placement. My sister will be able to come to the airport with me too! That Zyler is getting so big! I can't wait! He loves for you to clap along with him. He has a buddy name Charlie, who shares the same birthday! I think Zyler is 5 hour older or Charlie is! But he's gonna have fun. He also loves the water just like his sister and brother. And his Shea, me!
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The Second Coming....

One of my birthmom buds, Cindy got to see her birthdaughter on the 15th. And she told me that the experience was like an egale soaring, she just couldnt explain the feeling she had. Im soooo happy for Cindy and that she got a chance to see her. My chance is coming sometime next month. At the end, close to his birthday. My nerves are getting on end. My sister may not be able to come with me, and i wish she really could come with me. Just incaSE i pass out...lol But last month I spoke to My Jea. She is always there when i really need her and I thank her for that. And as for Mr. Zyler, he's getting bigger each time I see him, each picture I get. He's just a cutie pie...I love this lil boy so!!!

Its Final....

Today I got a text from Chris, it said...Its offical he is ours. Zyler Kendall James as of 8:45am. I was sooo happy for them. I kinda wish I could of been there, but i will get my chance to see my lil monkey toe in July. I have been doing well in almost my first year. I miss him so much. I made a scrap book for My Jea, to show Zyler when he can understand. Pics of me and his mom, me and his aunty, and his brother Steven, and sister Brea. I plan to make more when I get my chance to see him. And let more good memories manifest. Today was Zyler's finalization Day. Its final...FINAL

Month....Months...and More Months

I have chosen to take a break from couseling and I think i need to go back...lol I met someone and he broke me down so bad that, happiness came to me. And it was always there. Zyler has gotten so big and has teeth now.. Chris sunt me pictures of him in the pool. He's just amazing...

Letting Go!

I'm learning to let go of the pain I feel inside. I have been doing good and music has played a big role in my life! One of my birthmoms really hurt my feelings of what she said and I kind of relapsed. But I'm doing well and got my update letter and new pics of my Lil man. He has two teeth now! And getting bigger with every picture I see. I love him so!