Happy Birthday Zyler Kendall James!

Today is the day! My Zyler's birthday. Its a bittersweet time, but he had a blast! His grandparents came in from Kentucky and they seemed to enjoy him a lot. I wonder what will it be like to meet him at the end of this month? How will he take to me? I'm so nervous and anxious to see him. I have made it a year! And I'm proud of myself. I have been feeling sad but its to be done. The pain and heartache is the price I paid for others happiness. And I would do it a thousand time. Happy Birthday to you! I was lonely today, I had to spend it alone and it seems on your b day I will be alone too. Your in my heart always.

Its your day.......son
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A year ago....

One year ago today, I was waiting to meet the couple i picked for my son. I met them at my favorite restaurant and we began our lifelong bond. We swapped pictures and Chris
told stories. Jea told me of her nanny experience and about a special lil boy she keeps name Will. Christy had to leave but we went to the beach and walked and talked some more. Chris went to go see if he could find a cap, while me and My Jea talked. Walking on the beach and being there was a great time. Before we left I gave them a card with the ultrasound of their soon to be son, and by the look on Jea's face, she loved it. We spent that day at the beach and getting our toes done. Jea told me about where the name Zyler (Zieler) came from..(g. granma) and her WORST DATE EVER!!! And believe me it was. All during that time, Zyler was moving around. Then we made our way to Wal Mart..(my fav place) This is where Chris discovered my passion for the color Blue...LOL Then we made our way back to my dormitory. I had to stay at a high risk facility. But the whole day was wonderful and I wouldn't change it for the world...

August is Busy!

Well I have good news and sad news! I guess the sad news first. I won't be there for Zyler's 1st birthday. The day I gave birth to this Lil man, BUT I spoke to My Jea and she said they have a 9 hour layover in Houston on Aug 31st! Sooo, I get to see my 3 favorite people! August is a busy month! Zyler turns 1 on the 3rd and his older brother Steven turns 5 on the 29th! Then our meeting on the 31st. I'm so excited! This is the first time seeing them since placement. My sister will be able to come to the airport with me too! That Zyler is getting so big! I can't wait! He loves for you to clap along with him. He has a buddy name Charlie, who shares the same birthday! I think Zyler is 5 hour older or Charlie is! But he's gonna have fun. He also loves the water just like his sister and brother. And his Shea, me!
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The Second Coming....

One of my birthmom buds, Cindy got to see her birthdaughter on the 15th. And she told me that the experience was like an egale soaring, she just couldnt explain the feeling she had. Im soooo happy for Cindy and that she got a chance to see her. My chance is coming sometime next month. At the end, close to his birthday. My nerves are getting on end. My sister may not be able to come with me, and i wish she really could come with me. Just incaSE i pass out...lol But last month I spoke to My Jea. She is always there when i really need her and I thank her for that. And as for Mr. Zyler, he's getting bigger each time I see him, each picture I get. He's just a cutie pie...I love this lil boy so!!!

Its Final....

Today I got a text from Chris, it said...Its offical he is ours. Zyler Kendall James as of 8:45am. I was sooo happy for them. I kinda wish I could of been there, but i will get my chance to see my lil monkey toe in July. I have been doing well in almost my first year. I miss him so much. I made a scrap book for My Jea, to show Zyler when he can understand. Pics of me and his mom, me and his aunty, and his brother Steven, and sister Brea. I plan to make more when I get my chance to see him. And let more good memories manifest. Today was Zyler's finalization Day. Its final...FINAL

Month....Months...and More Months

I have chosen to take a break from couseling and I think i need to go back...lol I met someone and he broke me down so bad that, happiness came to me. And it was always there. Zyler has gotten so big and has teeth now.. Chris sunt me pictures of him in the pool. He's just amazing...

Letting Go!

I'm learning to let go of the pain I feel inside. I have been doing good and music has played a big role in my life! One of my birthmoms really hurt my feelings of what she said and I kind of relapsed. But I'm doing well and got my update letter and new pics of my Lil man. He has two teeth now! And getting bigger with every picture I see. I love him so!