Ending of 2011

well this year has been trials for me, but i couldnt be happier for My Jea and Chris...they are in the process of adding another Modderman. Thats exciting!!!! and Zyler couldnt be happier..Hes such a happy child, love his cousins and haves too much fun.. I couldnt of made a better choice for him. My butterfly they gave me when i gave birth to him, came up missing and HURTED ME DEEPLY..still dont know who, or where it went to. I got a package today.... :-)

Happy Birthday Zyler!!!!

well im very late...yes i am Zyler turned 3 on Aug 3. And i got a chance to speak to him. He's soooo cute when he says my name. My other son, his brother will be 7 tomorrow. I have to keep this short, cause of my hand. im working with only one hand and its so hard typing. But here are some pics of the family...enjoy

Easter Basket....

Well it seems like each time i look at him, hes getting bigger and starting to look like the other person should i say. I have found that other person and its sad to say, he looks like him. And i choose to block all that is him, because of the lies, lies, and more lies he and his fam has told. So i will continue to keep Zyler where he needs to be. Maybe when hes older enough to understand he will know. But Zyler is 2 now and just such a Lil man. Jea sunt me a video and he said my name. He sounded sooooooo cute. Sometimes i watch it over and over just to hear him say my name. Even though we don't talk as much as we use to do, i like our relationship. It keeps me sane, not to be as i was in the beginning, but I'm thankful for the relationship we do have. Chris went to Kentucky to see his dad, hes fighting cancer. From what i hear, hes doing good!!! Sending prayers to Kentucky!!!!!

Long Over Due

I know i havent blogged since his birthday last year but here i go. I have gotten so many pictures and phone calls and videos of him, hes amazing!!! And some horrible news also. I found Zylers birthfather, and to tell you it makes me sick to my stomach. Almost like hes living a double life or something. All the lies he told. A part of me wants to send him a message but the other part wants to say you will never know how wonderful this little boy turned out to be. But Zyler is two now and talkin. I got a video with him saying my name and it was so cute. I have stable internet so i will be getiing back to my blogging. I was showing a friend of mine all the pictures from the beginning to now, and she even shedded a tear. But Love telling my story, OUR STORY as Jea would say. I love and miss them dearly.....portland im coming soon!!!

August 3 2010

I know im late for this but i had so much on my mind that i couldnt even think about what special day it was. Zyler has turned 2 and it was momentus. I spoke to Jea and i heard him talk in the background. he is getting soo big that i cant believe that hes 2. Steven turned 6 today and i couldnt even be with him today. I had shed my tears and cried so much that it hurts. Im goin through so much right now and not enough support that it makes me wanna just give up all together. But i know that i cant because i have kid depending on me. But what happens when i cant depend on myself. Who can i turn to? Zyler is one happy little boy and he maybe getting a sister or brother real soon. i hope it goes well for them cause im so proud of them..and they are of me

Approaching 2

Iknow it has been a long time since writting in here, but Zyler is appraoching 2 soon. I has been two years since seeing him. And its been a rough but great road. i have done very well for myself. I sometimes wonder what would life be like if i woulda kept him. But i see the smiles on his parents faces. All the people who came in contact with him too. hes a special little boy. To everyone! He has gotton so big since i seen him last year. Im just speechless everytime i see him. He's even talkin now. Jea told me the good news of gettin him a brother or sister. Im so excited for them, time flies so much and then you wonder, where did the time go? Until his birthday...

August 3

Zyler Meets His Shea

Today was a joyous day. I got to meet Zyler again after one year of giving birth to him. I got to see his mom and his dad also. Me and my sister Kisha, accompanied by Arielle and Shanquetta met them at Bush Airport. It was hard tryin to find them, but me and Jea stayied on the phone while I tried to find them. As to my suprise they were one floor above me. I went upstairs and while on the phone seen Jea pushing Zyler and Chris holding the car seat that the airport gave back to them instead of checking it in. I ran to them and Gave themn the biggest hug. Zyler was asleep. We met up with Kisha, Ari and Brownie. And the picture taking began. I was playing with Zylers feet and he woke up. His first take to me want that good. (I didnt take offense) He was sleepy and only wanted his mama. When we got into the car, he stared at me the whole way ti I-Hop. I mean just gazed at me, and I couldnt explain that feeling. When we got to I-Hop, thats when Zyler came out. He was so playful and babbled and played with me. I couldnt believe, this was the boy I gave birth to last year. He has grown sooooo much. Maybe he stared at me because we look alike, or maybe because he knew I looked familar through pictures. He played in his pancakes and strawberries. And took some handfuls of mine..lol More picture taking began. He gave smile after smile and even went to Brownie and Ari. He even played with Amir, doing the monster voice. Just to look at him was good enough for me. He even gave me kisses. I was trying so hard to hold back my tears, cause as my fellow birthmom Desha said, I should LIVE for this day. Save my tears for later. I enjoyed today sooo much. We took family pictures outside of the I-Hop, and Chris gave me a copy of his growth chart...The top of the NORM...lol He's a growning boy I must say. Then It was time to head back to the Airport. I didnt want to cry, but I did.I wanted all of them to saty longer, I wanted to saok more Zyler in. But as My Jea said, this is one of many visits to come. Portland here I come...I love sooo much that I got a chance just to see them, To hug them< to hold Zyler...This day has no words to explain how I felt or feeling right now...til later