Saturday, January 3, 2009
5 months ago...
Today, my lil monkey toe is 5 months today. I'm so numb i cant cry. 5 months ago, i had my second son and i gave him to his parents. The prosac is woking right?? Makes me not worry of the torment im feelin in my heart. My heart is broken, it hurts so bad that its in pieces. I MISS HIM DAMMIT!!! Can anyone hear me, do anyone care?? I'm yearning for my son, just to hold him or smell his smell. I'm so envious of them all. They get to hold him and cherish the moments. What do i have? Pictures and my own memories of him. Why does it have to hurt so bad, like i've been stabbed in my heart. I keep bleeding love for him...for Zyler
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1 comment:
i hear you and i feel you.
you should try to send "golden rings" into the universe... my acupuncturist taught me this....i do it for negative reasons regarding biodad and i send all the negative thoughts/feels i have about him back to him....but i think it can be done with good thoughts/feels for our babies too.....
imagine a golden ring, and its not all the way closed, there is a gap in the circle.... now imagine saying all the things you want to say, all the thoughts you want to think etc and as you do this the gap gets smaller and smaller...when the ring is closed then you need to imagine throwing it as far as you can, and watch it soar away and away, into the universe and the cosmos where it eventually shatters into a tiny billion pieces of golden rain, and now imagine watching the rain fall back to earth and shower on the person your ring thought are about....
if its negative things that your ring is made of, then that person is now "burdened" with the negative energy they caused, if its happy things then that person is now "blessed" with that positive energy they helped to create.
if we don't allow our wounds to heal then we will bleed to death and that does nobody any good, we have to make our babies proud of us and be happy in our lives cuz that's all they want for us.
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